GGHW

I feel good, I feel great, I feel happy, I feel wonderful…

It’s Sunday morning and I started out Friday repeating the words above as often as I remembered to.  I’ve been having a rough time with feeling lethargic, fatigued, tired, and generally not good.  And, it has become habit for me to think; I feel crappy, I feel tired, I feel lethargic, etc.   So, I decided to change my mind by introducing a new habit of positive talk instead of continuing to think about how crappy I feel.  I have to say, it has had a very real and positive impact on my physical and mental states.

Y’all don’t know me, but I have a handful of reasons for feeling crappy.  I mentioned in the last post that I’m a cancer survivor.  With inoperable stage four stomach cancer, there was no real chance of long term survival, so I got very comfortable with dying.  I wasn’t exactly looking forward to it, but I accepted it and went on a series of very long motorcycle rides after completing the regimen of chemo and radiation.  Then, I didn’t die.

Anyway, without going into great detail right now, I have spent the last five years dealing with the aftermath of treatment, the daily grind of my immune deficiency, depression, anxiety, and alcoholism.  Oh, and I might add an inadvertent addiction to prescription pain meds, which is a whole other story (I’ve been off the meds now for about fifteen months and wrestle daily with the pain they helped control.)

Ok, so my point is that I’ve struggled.  And, I’m still struggling to be the best I can be, both mentally and physically.  I go to regular AA meetings, I’ve got a few close friends in the AA program, I’ve got a therapist, and I work every day to be aware of my ups and downs, but not be controlled by them.  I’m generally willing to try anything that makes reasonable sense for improving mentally and physically, so when I started telling myself that I feel good, great, happy, and wonderful, I didn’t give it much thought.  After a few days of repeating that phrase, I can see how it is helping.  I can also see that I happen to have used simple words that are feelings instead of things…

Not sure I can explain that.  Partly because I can’t think of the things I thought of yesterday when it occurred to me that in targeting feelings instead of things, I was using clearer mental images.  Perhaps I’ll think of some of the ideas I had previously, but suffice it to say that the power of mental habits is a subtle and insidious process by which I sabotage my mental wellness.  So subtle, in fact, that I can often participate in the thoughts without making a choice to do so.

I could keep writing, but I need to take the mental habit of positive feelings into the physical world and see if I can get some things done.  Yesterday, I surprised myself by going out and getting a lawn mower and doing some mowing.  I live on a ridge and I don’t really have a lawn, but the weeds were getting tall and I wanted to make it better for my little puppy to get around and not get ticks.  What I didn’t know was that it would make me feel better about my home…

Enough out of me.  As always, Life is good, Live it well, and, Thanks for listening…  🙂